Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
