Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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