So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
