I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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