My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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