Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
