The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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