you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
