Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize