We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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