I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize