Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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