if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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