are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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