1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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