zippers are such a cool invention
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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