I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
