"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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