Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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