but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
