I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
