At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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