I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
