I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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