U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
