Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
