Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
