Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
