This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
