my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I just shit out all my problems.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
