i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
