Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my liver is dry heaving
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
