cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
