just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
