they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
