ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
