You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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