Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
