I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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