Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize