he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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