i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
