theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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