Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
