We won't sleep together?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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