he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
