I think I won the penis lottery.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
