We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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