Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
