Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
