Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
