I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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