She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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