you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize