Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
