its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
