i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
