i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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