nut hugger
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
