Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
